Fan Flashworks
Title: What Will I Do?
Fandom: The Sentinel
Rating: Teen
Length: 1167
Content notes: Doubt is causing Jim to second guess Blair’s feelings for Jim.
Author notes: I don’t usually write about Jim or Blair doubting one another. But this is what came from the word doubt.
Summary: Jim is feeling insecure.



Jim Ellison hated feeling like this. Really, he did. Jim knew that he was just being insecure, but it didn’t matter. His heart was questioning Blair’s loyalty and love. Jim had seen Blair down in records with a girl named Monica. Blair knew that Jim was jealous of Monica, but Blair continued to flirt with her whenever he got a chance. It was making Jim crazy. Blair really flirted with a lot of people, but Jim knew that was just Blair. Jim was now having some doubts when it came to their relationship.

Jim had decided he was going to talk to Blair about it when he got home. Blair had taken his own car to the station, because he had errands to run. Now, Jim wondered if Blair was going somewhere else instead of being with him.


It was now 8:00 and Blair was just parking in the lot below. Jim had made dinner and it was waiting for Blair. Even upset Jim was going to feed his lover. Well, at least Blair was his lover for now.

Jim went over and sat down on the sofa. He wasn’t looking forward to this talk at all. Blair had just made him more insecure than usual and Jim already knew that Blair would laugh about it and tell him it was nothing.

Blair walked in the front door and smiled at Jim. “Hi, Jim. Sorry, I’m late. I got two books at the used book store and one of them is for you.”

“You’ve been at the bookstore till now?” Jim asked.

“No, I had some errands to run. Traffic was bad too. All in all, the time flew by and I’m starving. Do I smell food?”

“Yeah, I made baked Tilapia with baked potatoes and vegetables. It’s all on a plate. You just have to throw it into the microwave.”

“Thanks, Jim. What are you doing sitting in the living room with no book or tv going? Is something wrong?”

Jim smiled a sad smile and said, “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Turn the tv on and see if there is anything worth watching.”

“There’s a Jags game on now,” Jim replied.

“And you’re not watching it? Jim, something is wrong. You look sad. Talk to me. Did someone say something today at work? Or did someone call tonight and say something to you?”

“No, Chief, I’m just quiet tonight.” Jim decided at that moment, he couldn’t talk to Blair about his doubts about them. Instead, he would have to take what Blair could give him and be damned happy about it. Jim knew that he loved Blair and hoped that Blair felt the same way about him. Yes, Jim would have to make do with what Blair gave him.

Jim turned the game on and was watching. Blair was watching from the dining room. Blair noticed that Jim wasn’t cheering when they got a basket and he wasn’t talking smack against the other team when they got the ball away from the Jags. Blair knew that there was something wrong and he just knew that it had to do with himself. What had he done to Jim today to cause such misery?

Blair washed his dish off and dried it and made a pot of coffee. Blair felt like it would take some coffee to have a good talk. Once he was done, he sat beside Jim on the sofa.

“I just put a cup of coffee on, Jim. Does that sound good?”

“It’ll just keep me awake tonight…”

“Jim, you know that caffeine doesn’t affect you that way.” Again, Blair knew that Jim was unhappy about something.

“Then I’ll have a cup. It sounds good, Chief.”

Blair got up and poured them each a cup of coffee and then took the cups over to the living room. Blair sat down, Indian style and looked at Jim and asked, “Please talk to me. I know you’re upset about something.”

“I was in a bad mood tonight, but it’s lessening since you got home. Now tell me about your night. Did you get everything done that you had planned?”

“But why were you in a bad mood, man? Something must have happened to start you feeling this way,” Blair assured him. Blair hoped that Jim would open up to him and they could have a good talk.

Jim leaned in and kissed Blair. And Blair’s heart broke because he could taste the insecurity and doubt on Jim’s lips. What did Blair do this time?

“I would like to go upstairs and make love,” Jim suggested.

“Jim, what did I do to you today? I did something because you were fine earlier and then I didn’t notice when we were taking off. Please talk to me.”

“I got my feelings hurt, Blair. You know how I dislike Monica and you were flirting with her again today. I don’t think you’re happy with me and you should be happy in your life. Maybe I’ve pushed you away with all my insecurities. I’m sorry if that’s my fault.”

“Jim, I love you so much. I don’t love Monica. If I was flirting, I’m sorry. Sometimes I forget I’m with someone and then of course reason shines through and tells me you’re my love.”

“I’ll take what you can give me, Blair.”

“Oh, fuck you, Jim. I’m not with anyone but you. So, I flirted with Monica it’s not a biggy.”

“Did you know she gives off pheromones while she talks with you? That’s why I dislike her so much. But I think I’m hating the wrong person.”

“You hate me?” Blair asked, incredulously.

“No, I hate me. I hate the way I’m feeling right now. I didn’t want to discuss this tonight, because I knew we would end our relationship and I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

“Jim, we’re not ending anything. I love you and you love me, right?”

“Right…”

“Jim, you look miserable. Why would you stay with someone when you feel like this. God, get mad and scream about it. Yell, show me you care.”

Jim got up and walked up the stairs. Blair heard him upstairs taking his clothes off and getting into bed. They never went to bed angry, ever. But yet, Jim was.

Blair knew at that moment that he and Jim might be done with and Blair couldn’t stand that reasoning. He would let Jim think on it and they would talk in the morning.

As he sat there, a tear slid down his face and he decided that he needed to think about what happened too. He needed some answers for Jim.

The end