Fandom: Torchwood

Characters: Torchwood team

Author: m_findlow

Rating: PG

Length: 1,882 words

Content notes: none

Author notes: Written for Challenge 318 - Drop

Summary: Jack's excitement over Christmas leaves his team confused.


Gwen looked up from her computer screen as the familiar figure of Jack came into view. ‘Hiya.’

‘Hello to you, too,’ Jack said, all good humour and smiles, as he unraveled yet another string of glittery red tinsel and began wrapping it around what had to be the only piece of naked railing left in the hub. Once again, Jack had outdone himself on the decorating front, finding even more lights and tinsel the bedeck their proverbial halls. ‘Don't you just love this time of year?’

‘Oh, yes,’ she agreed, without quite so much enthusiasm. She was already resigning herself to the idea of having to battle the crowds at the shops, the horrors of the shopping centre car parks, and fighting over who saw the last fairy princess tea party set first. As for Rhys and his long list of what Christmas foods should be bought from which major supermarket chain, well, Rhys could fight that battle on his own. She couldn't tell the difference between a Tesco brand mince pie and a Morrisons one.

Jack primped his tinsel, looking pleased. ‘Are you baking any cookies with Anwen again this year? What kinds do you like to bake? Me, I like vanilla, but chocolate chip are good too. And there are there amazing ones they sell at Morrisons with little chunks of pistachio and cranberry… I could eat a whole box of those all on my own. And shortbread. The proper Scottish petticoat type with the extra fine sugar on top. Oh, and those boxes of multi-coloured macarons. Mmm, and the dark chocolate scorched almonds…’

Gwen raised an eyebrow at him. ‘I thought you were asking me a question, Jack?’

‘Huh?’

‘You asked me a question and then before I could answer you started waffling on about pistachios and cranberries and petticoat shortbread?’

‘Oh, yeah yeah yeah. What was the question again?’

Gwen sighed. ‘Nevermind.’ If Jack couldn't remember the question he himself had asked, he clearly wasn't all that interested in the answer. Based on his conversation, he was clearly just hungry.

Tosh tried her best to stay focused as she peered through the magnifying glass attention object underneath it. It was going to take a delicate hand and some very small tools to fix what she believed was the source of the problem, finally pinpointed by the ten times magnification. ‘Right there,’ she muttered.

‘Here?’ Jack asked, poised on the stepladder just a few feet away with a ball of string in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other, measuring out the right length to tie to his mistletoe.

‘Sorry?’ Tosh said, looking up.

‘Oh. I thought you were making a suggestion.’ He reached up, hanging yet another sprig of mistletoe in a strategic location. ‘I should've known I couldn't get you to tear your eyes away from that transmodulator.’

‘Well, at least now I think I know which bit needs fixing. I thought it was going to bug me over the whole Christmas break.’ She paused and watched Jack for a few moments. ‘Do you think that really works? I mean, if you try and steal a kiss from Ianto, won't he just let you have it anyway?’

He grinned. ‘It's not about permission, it's about frequency. And, you know, if anyone else wants to partake… It's one gift you don't have to wait until Christmas to unwrap. Speaking of, how's your Christmas shopping going?’

She twirled the thin pair of electrical tweezers in her hand. ‘Still trying to come up with some ideas before hitting the shops. Ianto and I have our annual shopping day on Thursday. It gets harder every year and I don't want to get something someone would hate.’

Jack climbed down off the step ladder and sat himself on it. ‘You want some advice?’

‘I'm all ears.’

‘The worst thing would be if you bought someone slippers for Christmas. That is not a Christmas present. That's just like buying someone a belt, or a pack of socks, or a new shirt. However, having said that, there are some things that are more luxury items. Take for example a really nice dressing gown. Not those cheap terry towel ones, I'm talking the ones that are all fluffy and warm on the outside, with the nice silk lining on the inside. The kind you could get away with wearing all day long, but which are best after a nice long bath and some of those expensive lavender bath salts.’

‘Oh, I love those too,’ Tosh said. ‘And a fluffy robe sounds like a good idea for a gift. I'm sure Ianto would love one of those.’

‘Ianto?’

Tosh frowned. ‘That's what we were talking about, isn't it? What to buy Ianto for Christmas?’

Jack faltered. ‘Well… I suppose he probably would like that. But he wouldn't be the only one, if you get my drift.’ He gave her a wink and a smile. ‘Let me know how you get on with that sonic transmodulator, yeah?’

Tosh nodded. ‘Yeah,’ she replied, quickly pencilling a note on a post-it note that she should buy Owen a fancy dressing gown for Christmas.

‘Bloody hell, this thing's heavy,’ Andy complained, feeling his fingertips growing numb the longer they wedged themselves under the lip of the crate.

‘Quit your moaning,’ Jack chastised him. ‘You're ruining my cheerful festive vibe.’

‘We couldn't have waited until the new year to ship this thing off to Norway?’ he asked, referring to the furry orange thing that was all long arms and not much else. It wasn't so much that it was heavy, but the tank of water it was living in definitely was.

‘You wanna stay at the hub over Christmas and keep it company in the wading pool?’ Jack asked. ‘They're social creatures and this one is only a baby. We've already got two fully grown adult Gaspinxa living off the Norwegian coast. I know they'll adopt this little guy in a heartbeat, and he's better off with his own kind than stuck here at the hub.’

‘Well, just so long as you're not asking me to adopt it, I spose,’ Andy replied, grunting with some effort as they loaded the crate onto the waiting Hardwoods lorry for its trip to Holyhead. ‘I already have a cat and I swear it thinks it owns me rather than the other way around.’

‘ It's funny you should say that, Andy. I was thinking about us getting a puppy. I mean, not just for me. It would be Ianto's pet, too. We've never had pets but I think a dog would be good to have around the house. It'd need to be a bit of a surprise for Ianto, though. As much as I've tried to convince him, he always changes the subject before we can talk about it seriously, but I just know that once we had one, he'd be totally won over.’

‘Uh huh,’ Andy muttered, only half listening as Jack continued to waffle on.

‘I was thinking about a medium size dog. None of those silly little yapping things that just sleep all day. A dog that you can take for walks and play at the park, that could fetch the newspaper and has lots of energy. Wouldn't have to be an expensive pure breed or anything. A rescue dog would be good. Adopted from a shelter and given a good home just in time for the holidays. What do you think about a Labrador?’

Andy looked up. ‘Why are you asking me?:

Jack nodded. ‘Yes, I think a Labrador puppy would be just perfect,’ he said, before wandering off.

‘Yeah,’ Andy agreed, left talking to himself and holding the keys to the lorry. ‘Good chat. ’

‘I can't take it anymore!’ Owen loudly decreed as he stepped into that kitchenette where Ianto was making a round of coffee and hot chocolates with extra marshmallows.

Ianto barely paused. ‘Take what?’

‘Jack and all his Christmas chit-chat. It's enough to drive anyone to be a grinch.’

‘We get this every year, Owen. You should be used to it by now. Jack just loves Christmas because he's making up for all the ones he didn't celebrate. Unlike the rest of us he hadn't grown out of it by the time he was fifteen.’

‘Well, I think this year he's been going a bit early on the eggnog if you ask me.’

Ianto carefully set the Christmas themed mugs on their equally Christmas themed saucers, adding biscuits and marshmallows to the side. ‘What makes you say that?’

‘What? You haven't noticed? He's been even more chit-chatty than usual. Have you heard there's a new Dan brown novel coming out just before Christmas, or I saw this waffle maker that makes them in the shape of penguins, and you just can't call a kitchen a kitchen without a proper set of double copper base saucepans. I swear he's lost his mind, what's left of it.’ Ianto smirked and it immediately annoyed Owen, like there was some joke he wasn't privy to. ‘What's so bloody funny?’

‘It's just Jack being Jack. I wouldn't worry about it.’

‘I know what Jack's like and this is weird even for him, so what's it all about? There's got to be an explanation and you obviously know what it is.’

Ianto beamed, holding out the plate of biscuits for Owen who grumpily took two in lieu of an explanation. ‘Because for once in his life, Jack has no idea who his Kris Kringle gift buyer is so he's been dropping hints about what he'd like to anyone and everyone in the hopes that he'll get what he wants.’

‘And who is his Kris Kringle? I know it's not me, but someone always manages to spill the beans eventually. Having a Secret Santa around here is pretty pointless with Jack. He's such a nag most years trying to find out who it is that I just tell him it's me so he'll bugger off and leave me alone.’

‘But not this year?’

Owen chewed and swallowed. ‘He hasn't shoved bamboo under my fingernails yet so I didn't bother. I just wanted to know why he was making all these random statements that made no sense. It's you, isn't it? You're his Secret Santa.’

‘Nope. Not me. I got Tosh.’

‘So, if it's, not you and it's not me, then who the bloody hell is it and why hasn't Jack figured it out yet?’

There was an unmistakable grin of sheer cleverness on Ianto's face. ‘I figured out that the only way to keep it secret was not to tell that person until the night before that they had to buy something for Jack. That way, nobody is trying to lie.’

‘Well, I suppose that's one way to get the drop on him. Doesn't leave much time for shopping though.’

‘Everyone here always waits until the night before to go shopping for their Kris Kringle anyway. It's a wonder you don't run into each other in the department store.’

It was Owen's turn to smirk. ‘Oh, didn't we tell you? We just buy something we want and then swap them while we're there. Turns out you and Jack are the ones that have got this whole Kris Kringle system arse backwards.’