title: what it costs
fandom: Guardian
length: 100 words
contents: takes place during episode 22, vaguely worded allusion to schroedinger's rapist, interior monologue and scene expansion

summary: It could've been much worse.

(author's note at the end)





Kneeling in the courtyard is--

It's humbling, of course. Dr. Feng wants recompense for Shen Wei's disrespect. Shen Wei's apology is not enough.

It's ironic. He has waited longer with less hope even than this, fought and killed and died across uncountable years. A few hours is laughable, in the scheme of things.

[There was a moment, when Dr. Feng first spoke -- Get on your knees -- when he could have meant something else, a different humiliation, and Shen Wei was torn between the impulse to violence and the thought: if that's what it costs...]

Ultimately, kneeling in the courtyard is so much simpler.







****

author's note: In older queer media here in the US, there is often a specifically sexual vulnerability for queer men in a homophobic world. In an episode where Shen Wei's love for Zhao Yunlan is so fully on public display, I couldn't help flashing back to the way I would've interpreted the same scene in that older media.