I think there are different ways to read Fraser (partly because he's complicated, partly because I don't think the show was all that consistent about its interpretation of him, at least in some ways).

I can see Fraser as damaged and desperate and holding it together until the day something breaks him -- or I can see him as lonely and guarded, but actually pretty well adjusted in his own eccentric way and in control of the parts of his life that matter most to him. I mean, I can read canon either of those ways, without really venturing into the fanfic realms of what-ifs and reinterpretations.

I feel like Fraser knows who he is and who he wants to be (though not necessarily what he wants from other people or how to get it!), most of the time. By contrast with Ray, who sometimes needs someone to tell him the obvious truths about himself, because he forgets them. But the extent to which Fraser's self-control is strength, self-destruction, or both...is open to interpretation, I think. :) (And much fun to play with!)

(I don't think that the jumping on cars and so forth is really self-destructive in-canon, though. In fanwork, one can impose more realism than the show does and interpret it as highly dangerous and therefore presumably self-destructive. But I think that in the spirit of the show itself, the stunts are more like a superpower of Fraser's and less like really stupidly dangerous behavior. But that's my take.)