Fandom: Torchwood

Characters: Jack, Ianto, OCs

Author: m_findlow

Rating: PG

Length: 1,719 words

Content notes: Spoilers for Big Finish audioplay "Broken"

Author notes: Written for Challenge 362 - Brave

Summary: Bravery comes in different forms.

Ianto caught himself almost dozing off to sleep as a sound jolted him from quasi slumber. Jack, who was asleep, had begun snoring softly as his head tilted away from Ianto. He watched Jack in the darkness, listening to the quiet nasally sounds, unwilling to lose even a moment of it to the sleep which was desperate to claim him as well.

It terrified Ianto to think how badly he'd messed things up. For five whole seconds he'd truly believed that getting rid of Torchwood from his life was the solution to everything. So long as Jack Harkness was still around, Ianto would never be free of its clutches, no matter how much he tried.

He'd tried not to hate Jack for killing Lisa but it was virtually impossible. Every time he saw that smug, smiling face, his stomach twisted at knowing Jack didn't even give it a thought. That was just what Jack did - killed the people you loved the most. It was always all about Jack. He was the centre of his own universe and everything revolved around that fact. Even turning up tonight at the Ferret Pub had annoyed Ianto - not because Jack had turned up to investigate something, but because as soon as he knew that Ianto was already on the case, he wanted to take charge of it. He might have even been a little bit annoyed that someone other than him had taken a lead on a case. And he had certainly taken umbrage at Ianto telling him to go away and let him deal with it.

Truthfully though, as much as Ianto thought he had a handle on it, he really hadn't. He'd always assumed that he was as tough as the rest of them; that Torchwood gave you the ability to deal with anything. Instead Ianto found himself being sucked into a situation he couldn't get himself out of. Yes, he knew that Mandy was up to something, and yes, he'd suspected it was alien intervention, and yes, he'd come to shut it all down, but there was a tiny little bit of him that had hoped maybe it wasn't all as sinister as that. Part of him wanted to discover that people who'd wanted out of their doldrum lives had found a place where they could finally be free and happy. In all honesty, that was what he'd wanted for himself. If it turned out to be something good, then maybe he'd choose it for himself as well. Like the others, he'd simply disappear without a trace and there would be no case file to solve. Nobody else had bothered to pick up on these people going missing other than him. Chances were Torchwood would find it odd that he'd disappeared, but he didn't doubt they'd spend much time trying to find him. They probably wouldn't miss him at all.

And just for a second, the vision through that alien portal had looked so promising. Heaven. Was there really such a place? Could he go there and be happy, far from the problems of his life?

Of course Jack had to go and ruin it all. There was no heaven, only a mirage of hope, and Ianto was the only one who couldn't see it was a lie. It made him mad. He'd trusted Mandy, let her into his confidence and talked more about his life than he had with anyone. It had been nice just to have someone listen to what he had to say. And here she was, working on him bit by bit to gain his trust so that she could convince him to step through an alien portal to another world, just so she could make a bit of money from the slave trading alien.

Ianto felt betrayed from all sides, used by Mandy and used by Jack who had strung him along like bait so that he could stride in and be the big hero who saved the day. He wanted to be brave and stand up to all of them, but the weight of so much betrayal, desperation and hurt simply crushed the resolve right out of him. There he was, standing and sobbing for his mum when he was the one holding the gun that could have ended it for all of them. Instead he'd played them off against one another. Having the Saviour grab Jack and preparing to kill him would have solved one of Ianto's problems for him. Jack expected him to be loyal and come to his aid, but the Saviour could promise him something better. Perhaps it wasn't heaven, but being rid of Jack would make a lot of other problems go away. There'd been something satisfying about making Jack understand that this was revenge for killing Lisa. He wasn't pulling the trigger, but he wasn't stopping the Saviour either.

At least it had been satisfying for about five whole minutes until he'd realised that trying to run away from the reality of his life was the coward's way out. He had to face his family, his friends - what few of them he had - and he had to face up to the fact that he'd been trying to project blame for the serendipitous events of his life onto someone else. Jack wasn't the reason Lisa was gone. She'd been gone long before then, because of something that had happened which Ianto had no control over. He liked Jack - even maybe a little bit more than liked - and now he'd condemned him to that awful slave world. He swallowed down the awful feelings of guilt and betrayal. He had to do something, had to somehow try and save Jack if he could, though he had no idea how.

He'd rushed back in there without thinking about it, because he knew if he stopped to consider what he was up against, he wouldn't be able to do it. He had to get Jack back, and the only way that was going to happen for certain was for him to go there and rescue him himself.
All of his built up confidence evaporated in an instant the moment he stepped through the portal. It was even more terrible that it had appeared. Large metal buildings soared up all around him.in an angular twisted mess, blocking out most of the dirty yellow sky above. The whole place stank of a decay he could barely describe. If the Saviour could smell it he didn't show it, and a bolt of fear ran through Ianto as he realised there wasn't a single other human in sight. There wasn't anyone out here between the endless clusters of filthy industry, but it would only take one or two other aliens like the Saviour to surround him and disarm him. He'd become trapped here like Jack, just another slave to add to the masses. He gripped the gun shakily in his hand and did his best to mask his fear with steely determination, ordering the Saviour to take him directly to Jack. Not that he needed much guidance. He could hear Jack's screams of agony and his heart broke that he was the one responsible for them.

By the time they'd reached the inner workings of the factory building, they were too late. There, crumpled between the horrific metallic arms and pincers that reminded Ianto so horribly of the metal device in which he'd first discovered Lisa, was Jack. His eyes were closed and he wasn't breathing. All of Ianto's worst nightmares were coming true as he panicked, dropping the gun as he fell to his knees at Jack's side. This wasn't what he'd wanted. The Saviour took great pleasure in blaming Ianto for Jack's death.

Ianto refused to let the Saviour's taunting finish him off. He pressed on Jack's chest and wrapped his mouth around Jack's, trying to breathe life back into him. He had no idea if he was doing it right until suddenly Jack had gasped, bucking up underneath him and giving Ianto the fright of his life as he realised it had actually worked. Buoyed by the sheer relief that Jack was alive, he'd spared the Saviour his life. He might have shot him right between the eyes for what he'd done, but even now he couldn't find the guts to kill him in cold blood. He just wanted to get out of here with Jack. It wasn't until Jack had re-engaged the portal, taking the safely back to Cardiff that Ianto's legs began to feel like jelly as he realised he'd just been on an alien world, billions of light years from Earth. It wasn't something he was keen on repeating for a long while. He had Jack back and that was all he really wanted.

Ianto could feel Jack's heartbeat, steady and strong beneath his palm as it rested on his chest. Jack was here, alive and well, the both of them safe within the confines of Ianto's small but neatly kept apartment. Just the idea of Jack lying there next to him in his own bed, the pair of them naked beneath the sheets, bodies pressed together at the sides was almost more than Ianto could comprehend. For all the terrifying things that he'd faced tonight, finally saying out loud that he wanted Jack to kiss him had been the most terrifying thing of all. Remembering that split second when he'd reached across the narrow space between them, taken Jack's cheek in his hand and kissed him filled his stomach with a thousand butterflies. He'd done that. Not Jack. For all his casual flirtation and laissez-faire attitude, it had been Ianto who had taken the plunge and opened up the possibility of something between them, even if it was only for one night.

He sighed and nestled his head closer on the pillow until the tip of his nose was brushing Jack's cheek and the bristling five o'clock shadow. It was nice being this close, and Jack didn't even know it, or did and was just pretending to snore, too shy to admit that this was nicer than he'd expected. Tonight had been awful in so many ways, but Ianto wouldn't have changed any of it. Perhaps Ianto really was a little bit braver than he gave himself credit for.