Fandom: Torchwood

Characters: Jack, Ianto

Author: m_findlow

Rating: M (Sexual references)

Length: 1,805 words

Content notes: Spoilers for BigFinish Audioplay Broken

Author notes: Written for Challenge 251 - Reflect and Challenge 149 - One Night Only (Bingo square)

Summary: Last night may have been a mistake.

'Stay and get some sleep,' Jack said. 'Come in whenever,' was the offer Jack gave him as he buttoned up his shirt in full view of the young man still lying under the rumpled bed covers. How did Jack do that? Just nonchalantly crawl out of his bed naked, and stand there dressing as if this was the most normal thing in the world? Ianto stayed silent as his eyes watched Jack's every move, the way those hands deftly worked buttons and zips, sliding braces back into place before slipping on that infamous coat. His movements were strangely hypnotic. Those fingers were patient and unhurried, completely the opposite to how they'd been last night, if Ianto recalled correctly. He closed his eyes for a minute, not wanting to think about last night in case it showed in his expression.

'I'll see you later,' Jack said, stepping soundlessly out of the apartment.

Ianto rolled over, staring out the window at the grey, rainy day that promised nothing but misery. He pulled the covers over his head as the realisation of what he'd done hit him. He'd kissed Jack. He'd kissed Jack and then taken him back to his flat where he'd proceeded to ravish him, stripping clothes, tongues and teeth mashing together in a desperate attempt to be as close as possible, leaving no inch of skin unexplored.

On reflection, last night had been a mistake. He'd realised it in that moment when Jack had woken and slipped out of the bed. Moments before that Ianto awkwardly woke to find his head nestled on Jack's shoulder. He didn't remember falling asleep there which only added to the undignified feeling of what he'd done.

Jack had been right. Just this once. One night only for them to come together and exorcise whatever it was that was preventing them from moving on with their lives. They'd been walking on eggshells for weeks and months, their usual banter half-heartedly put on for the benefit of the team. Since Lisa had died it hadn't been the same, and they both knew that, but neither of them could put a finger on why. Things had finally come to a head last night though, and there was no magic alien portal they could step through that was going to undo the past few hours.

Today they had to go back to whatever counted as normal. On that they were agreed. It had been stupid to do what they'd done. As much as he'd enjoyed it last night, he knew they had crossed a line. How could he go back to how things were before? Would Jack think he was being undressed by Ianto's eyes every time he stopped by to bring him coffee? Would he reimagine how it felt to have Ianto's lips of his skin, tasting the salty, sweat-covered skin, dipping lower and lower until he was tasting more than just Jack's flesh? Would Jack remember the noises he'd made when his fingernails had dug in or his teeth nipping tender spots on Ianto's body? Or would he just remember waking up to find them snuggled together like a pair of lovers?

After everything that had happened last night, Ianto just knew he couldn't go home to face it all alone. He'd uncovered an awful alien plot to steal vulnerable people from Earth and make them slaves, he'd confronted his fears of being a proper member of the team, taking on the investigation singlehandedly and determined to see it through. Then Jack had bungled in and ruined it.

He'd been mad at Jack; mad for him coming in and trying to take over, mad at him for his ridiculous jealousy over the friendship he'd struck up with Mandy, and then further incensed by the depravity of everyone down in that cellar, each of whom seemed to be in it for themselves. He really was beginning to think he was the only unselfish one.

Then he'd done the unthinkable, letting the alien take Jack, shoving him through that portal to another world where he'd suffer for the rest of his life. He'd gone and done the selfish thing himself, desperate for retribution for all the things Jack had taken away from him. And yet, at the end of it all, Jack had forgiven him.

If that hadn't been bad enough, then receiving the call from his mum nearly broke him. It was too unbearable to think that the one person who truly cared about him might be living on borrowed time. He just couldn't go back to his flat and sit there, tying to process all of those things at once. Any one of them on its own he could have handled, but collectively it was all too much. His head was a swirling storm of emotions that threatened to drown him, despite the calm facade he put on the minute he stepped inside the SUV, ready to face whatever punishment Jack sought fit to mete out to him.

There'd been such a jumbled mix of feelings for Jack, from hatred and loathing to guilt and yearning. He couldn't say for certain when and how he'd become interested in Jack. He just was. He'd be never been interested in men before, but Jack was something different. He wanted to believe that there was more to him than just that charming smile and those broad shoulders. Having Jack finally confess that he was just as broken an Ianto was all the confirmation he needed. He wanted to kiss Jack just to know how it felt, and finding the words tumbling out of his mouth was like an act of madness. Actually going for it just proved how messed up he was. But Jack had kissed him back, however brief their interlude had been, and he knew in that moment, there was a chance for more.

It shouldn't have come as a surprise that Jack merely feigned reluctance. His charms and his flirtatious behaviour were common knowledge. In that moment, Ianto couldn't have cared less if he was just another mark on the wall for Jack. A mark was better than nothing. He wanted it and he might never get the chance again.

And Jack had been... strangely tender. It wasn't that he took a back seat and let Ianto make all the moves, though he had made the first, and probably the second, but nor did he push Ianto to do anything he hadn't wanted to. They hadn't gone all the way - there was no actual sex as it were - but they'd gone more than far enough to sate both of their needs, falling into an exhausted, post-coital heap at the end, sweat soaked and breathing hard. He'd had girlfriends before, but nothing had ever left him feeling like this, so utterly high and light-headed, with Jack so close he could feel his hot breath all over his face.

He let that same hot breath fill the space between his face and the duvet that now covered it. If he closed his eyes he could almost imagine it was Jack's breath on his face, wanting to stretch up and close the gap between them with his lips. Instead he shook the thought away. Jack was his boss. Jack had done him a favour last night, albeit one that they'd both gotten some enjoyment out of. It was just one night and that was it. Whatever issues they had, they'd have to deal with in another way. There was no point basking in the memory of it, replaying every moment and looking forward to when it might happen again.

He pulled the duvet off his head and looked across at the clock. Six am. He didn't want to sleep in late as Jack had suggested, even if he did feel tired. He was going to have to face going back to work at some point. He was going to have to face Jack. Perhaps he should go in early, before Tosh arrived, and try to speak to him. An apology was probably a good idea, even if Jack hadn't seemed the least bit fazed. Telling him he'd enjoyed it felt wrong, no matter how it might boost Jack's ego. Or perhaps they should just never speak of it again. After all, if Jack had enjoyed it as much as he had, wouldn't he still be here now?

Ianto stared back out at the grey sky. 'You idiot,' he muttered to himself, still able to smell Jack on the pillow, breathing it in. He never should have kissed Jack. He should have kept those feelings to himself. Now that he'd had a taste, he only wanted more, however wrong it was.

He got up and padded to the bathroom, determined to let the hot water rinse away every last hint of Jack's touches on his skin. Just this once, he repeated in his head. Perhaps if he tried really hard, he could convince himself that last night had just been a dream. A dream was all it could ever be.

Scrubbed clean, suited and heavily caffeinated, he paused for a second as the cogwheel door rolled open, announcing his arrival. He breathed in the cologne he'd splashed on a little too vigorously, trying to overpower the residual scent of Jack which seemed to linger on him despite his efforts. Everything around him seemed to smell like Jack, but perhaps that was just his imagination.

It was still early. Tosh had yet to arrive, and probably wouldn't, he realised, until much later. Both she and Gwen would have had late nights ploughing through missing persons records at Jack's behest. Ianto could have saved them all the trouble by simply handing over his own files. He was sure he hadn't missed any of them.

Tosh might not have been there but Jack was, looking just as handsome as always as she stepped out of his office.

'Morning,' Jack greeted him. 'You're in early.' There was no mention of his earlier request that Ianto sleep in.

'Lots to do,' he replied, noticing that Jack's hair was still slightly damp from the shower he'd only just obviously had. He tried hard to blink away images of Jack standing there naked, water sluicing down his chiseled body, toweling off that wet hair.

'I hope coffee is on that to-do list,' Jack said, blue eyes sparkling as he gave Ianto the up and down look, appraising his wardrobe, or perhaps picturing what lay underneath it.

'Always,' Ianto said, taking the instruction seriously.

Jack nodded and gave him a smile. 'Good. I've got a feeling today could be a long one. Rift wise, I mean.'

'Just a normal day, then,' Ianto replied, managing a small smile of his own. 'At least what counts for us as normal.'