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Comfort Challenge: Rogue One: Fanfic: I Was Supposed to Kill You

Dec. 31st, 2017 at 6:47 PM

Title: I Was Supposed to Kill You
Fandom: Rogue One
Rating: G
Word Count: 837
Characters/Ships: Cassian Andor/Galen Erso/B
Summary: Cassian stares at Galen's peacefully slack face, heart pounding, and thinks I was supposed to kill you.

Do you ever wake up with a thought stuck inexplicably in your head, refusing to be banished? Maybe a scrap of song playing on a loop or an image from memory suddenly become crystal clear?

It happens to Cassian once in the middle of the night. He wakes in the dark in bed with his lovers, the room illuminated by the dull glow from Galen's datapad left charging on the desk. Bodhi snores obliviously on the other side of the bed, and in the middle, Galen rests with one arm tucked under his head and the other around Cassian.

Cassian stares at Galen's peacefully slack face, heart pounding, and thinks I was supposed to kill you. He can see as clearly as if it's happening now that rainy night on Eadu, perched up on a cliff, Galen Erso in the sight of his sniper rifle. General Draven's orders echo in his head, not forgotten even after all this time: There will be no extraction. You find him, you kill him. Then and there.

And he hadn't, for reasons he can barely explain to himself even now. But then the Alliance squadron had come swooping in and done the job for him, and he'd forgotten about the choice. He'd seen Galen's body.

Only to have a miracle happen, to learn from other spies later that Galen had survived the attack after all, if only barely – and that the Empire had reclaimed him, bacta bringing him back from the brink of death. Then an infiltration, a rescue, so simple after everything, and Galen was here on Yavin.

Cassian closes his eyes, the whirlwind of it still making his head spin. There was the revelation of Bodhi and Galen's previous relationship. How torn the young pilot was over wanting to be with both of them. The hesitant suggestion that they try to make it work all together.

And now this. Three warm bodies in a bed, perfectly comfortable with each other, more than enough love to go around.

And still the specter of I was supposed to kill you. It makes Cassian go cold to imagine what would have happened had he taken that shot. Certainly none of this. And Cassian wouldn't have Bodhi either, of course not, having murdered his lover. The Alliance wouldn't have gained the untold amount of knowledge Galen was able to give once he was safe among them.

“Cassian.” The man startles as Galen shifts minutely, his voice rough with sleep. “You're thinking very loudly.” Galen's arm tightens around him and pulls him in close. On the other side of the bed, Bodhi snuffles in his sleep and snuggles in closer to the man in the middle but doesn't wake.

Cassian lets himself be drawn in, wills his anxieties to float away in a fog of warmth and love. He closes his eyes and leans his forehead against Galen's chest, breathing him in.

“Speak your mind, if you like,” Galen says softly. One hand moves to gently card through Cassian's hair. “What's bothering you, Cassian?”

Cassian sighs. He doesn't really want to talk about it, but he doesn't want to leave Galen's tender, insistent concern unanswered either. “Eadu,” he murmurs after a moment. “The first time I ever saw you in person.”

“What about it, dear heart?”

Cassian shivers under the endearment. “I could have killed you. I had orders.”

“But you didn't.” Of course Galen already knows about all of that.

Cassian shifts uncomfortably. “I almost did. I could have.”

Galen's arms tighten fractionally, still tender but just enough to keep him from slipping away. “You didn't, Cassian. You made a choice. The right one, if I can say, though I may be biased.” He huffs softly, and Cassian feels the ghost of a smile on his own lips. “Everyone in this bed made decisions and went against orders, and look at the results. I plotted to destroy the weapon I helped build. Bodhi turned against his masters to ensure that happened. You saved my life and brought the three of us together.”

Finally, Cassian looks up, and in the dimness, he focuses on Bodhi, still sleeping soundly and obliviously. “He brought us together.”

From the corner of his eye, he sees Galen smile. “He's as brave and precious as anyone. Pity he has such a hard time realizing it.”

Cassian knows he's not just talking about Bodhi. He doesn't know what to say.

Galen does. “Stop fretting, love,” he murmurs, tugging Cassian into his arms again. “Go back to sleep. The past is past, and it ended well. The right decisions were made. Save your worry for what can still be changed and what needs to be.”

“How did you get so wise?” Cassian murmurs as he rests his head on Galen's shoulder.

“Experience,” Galen answers, holding him close. “One day you'll have it too.”

Cassian recognizes the gentle teasing for what it is and lets himself drift back to sleep with a smile on his face, warm and loved and forgiven.