Title: Methodology
Fandom: Homestuck
Rating: PG
Pairing: Roxy<>Calliope
Length: 1012
Content notes: Choose not to warn.
Author notes: Post-game fic for the "ghosts and gore" challenge.
Summary: Everyone else thinks Calliope is gone for good. Roxy knows better.


She's just a ghost, they insist when you first tell them. Nothing but a psychic silhouette burnt into the void, and void is all you'll find when seeking her. Don't go.

But ghostiness has rules, and you don't think she follows them, especially on the bad nights, when her brother's eyes shade less red for a split-second and you're the only one who sees her peeking out.

She's not a ghost, and you're going to prove it. You are, after all, a scientist, and you think you, of all people, know something about Void.

So you make a list.


1. Ghosts appear only at the place where they died.

You already know this isn't true of your girl - you saw her wandering around the cemetery just the other week, when she didn't even die on Earth, so that's where you go. You crouch on the gravel path and examine the bruise you got falling off the fence as you wait. (That's what you get for showing up sober to a date.)

You're patient, and quiet, and you hide behind a rosebush whenever the caretaker comes by, and after the third close call, you come back out and she's perched on her headstone, legs swinging, and when she sees you her eyes light up and she's the prettiest girl you've ever seen. ("Calliope English", the headstone says, "42nd Purpleth 19U-alpha to 11th November 2422" and whenever you find a passerby trying to puzzle it out, you make up a new government conspiracy to explain it to them - you're responsible for about 34.1% of the conspiracy theories on the web now, you think. One day you were going to tell someone her body was on a hatedate with your bestie in a cafe three miles away, and laugh at them when they didn't believe you. After tonight, it won't be true anyway.)


2. Ghosts can only move through doors that existed when they were alive.

This one would have been a problem, given that you're in the cemetery after hours and none of the gates are even open. Good thing you swiped the caretaker's spare keys earlier, and you lead her through the side-gate, the one they put in a year ago by the west garden, and down to the river. You both sit on the bank and watch the moon on the water, and you tell her all the things you know about quadrants that your mother didn't write down.


3. Ghosts can consume food and drink, but only if no one's watching.

You couldn't find any stardust, so instead you brought her beef sandwiches and hard candy and Cream Soda Faygo, and you watch her swallow every bite, just to be sure. She sees you staring and the swirl on her cheek brightens, and she looks hastily away.


4. Ghosts suck the heat from the air around them, so a sharp drop in temperature is sure sign of a haunting.

The night is warm, and it remains so even when you edge closer and think about putting your arm around her. You're still not used to physical contact with anything without a carapace though, and neither is she, so maybe you won't try that yet.


5. Animals and ghosts platonically loathe each other. A cat will puff itself up and hiss at something unseen in the corner, a dog will run howling from the room, a snake will rear up to strike at an empty chair.

You didn't mean to test this until you got home, but in the midst of a game of I Spy, you hear rustling in the grass, and as she says, "Something beginning with M!" a small black cat jumps up out of the grass and onto your lap. She reaches over to stroke him and he closes all four eyes happily as he butts her hand. You don't know how he found you, but he's purring so loud you think he might get you discovered. Luckily, the caretaker isn't concerned with wandering mutant kittens.


6. Ghosts are beings of the past. They can't learn, or understand the passage of time, or hold proper conversations. They're merely psychic impressions stuck in their old patterns.

With Mutie purring on your lap, you talk about everything. She's missed out on so much the last three years, so she's eager to listen, to be the one hearing stories for a change instead of telling them. She asks about Jane, and gives you her most adorable smile when you blush at the question. She asks about Dirk, and says oh noooooo in all the appropriate places and giggles at your drunk impressions of his matesprit's terrible rapping. She asks about Jake, and laughs at your retelling of The Adventures Of Pistolboy and Spiderthief In The Fifth Dimension in the style of a sitcom written by Stan Lee. She doesn't mention her brother, or Jack.


7. Ghosts are intangible. They can no longer touch, or be touched. (Possibly dangerous to test.)

When you finally brave yourself to touch her hand, you find her skin smoother than human, and more leathery. When you kiss her softly on the heel of her palm, her lifeline is long and deep, and you look up to find her blushing again. You trace a diamond in the same spot, and she responds with a soft kiss of her own just under your fringe. Her lips are solid, and cool but hardly icy. There's still something cold in her eyes, you'll grant, but she's always softened that for you.


8. Green and slimy. (hehehehe)

You don't remember writing that, and it's in a blue spiky hand that you know you'd never use, but the trail of ectoplasm under her feet is gone by the time you all leave for home and what's ectoplasm anyway? She's made of slime, so what? You're made of slime too.

Green, you'll concede, as you hold her hand and head for home, but that's okay. After all, it's always been your other favourite colour.